What I've learned...

This week on Topic Tuesday we're sharing what we learned. It could be any lesson from any time or experience. I've learned I am afraid of dying. I am afraid of my own mortality. It isn't death which is frightening. It is in the act of dying where there is fear.

On  September 29th, I spent approximately 13 1/2 hours in the emergency room in respiratory distress. That's a story on its on and if you're really interested, you can read about it here. 

I spent about 7 of those 13 1/2 hours with no medication beyond oxygen. (I'd already received the highest doses of medication I could be given.) I experienced what I feel was an epiphany. As I sat on a hard, plastic chair in the ER, I realized everything I was experiencing was exactly what it would feel like to die. I can't tell you how I knew it. I can't tell you why I knew it. I can only tell you I experienced the proverbial light switch turning on, and I KNEW this is what dying feels like. 

I realized as I sat there fighting for my next breath if I stopped, if I allowed the panic and fear to take me, I would die. I was not ready. I am not ready. Once again, my children saved my life. My children are the reason I fought for my life that day. 

So, my lesson learned is twofold. One, dying is where the fear lay not in death, and two, I'm not ready to die. I have a purpose, and a reason to be. 

To check out the other posts on our Topic Tuesday, you can go to Jeff Adkins wonderful website. 

Until next time,

Peace up!